


A Christmas Carol

by Regularity



Series: Carol Danvers: S.H.I.E.L.D. Intern [3]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Captain Marvel (Marvel Comics), Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gen, One Shot, Slice of Life, sorry Jess isn't actually in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Regularity/pseuds/Regularity
Summary: It is near Christmas, 1990. Carol Danvers has been without Jessica Drew for six months, with no word on whether she is alive or dead. She distracts herself with a Christmas party thrown at Emma Frost's ice cream shop, with her friends Tony Stark, Maria Rambeau, James Rhodes, Hank McCoy, and a couple others.A Christmas one-shot in the Carol Danvers: S.H.I.E.L.D. Intern series, taking place between "Powers & Promises" and the forthcoming "Passion & Potential"! A little fluff, a little angst, a little hope?
Relationships: Carol Danvers & Jessica Drew, Carol Danvers & Maria Rambeau, Carol Danvers/Jessica Drew
Series: Carol Danvers: S.H.I.E.L.D. Intern [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1284980
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	A Christmas Carol

Carol locks the door behind the last customer and breathes a sigh of relief that the workday is over. It’s a proper Boston winter, and yet Ice Dream, Inc. remains as busy as ever. The coffee and hot chocolate side of the business goes a long way, it seems. Carol’s not wearing her bomber jacket right now, but it’s in the back and she’ll put it on soon. She has removed some of her piercings, and decided to keep the sideways sweep of her hair after Jess liked it so much. She misses the wavy fauxhawk sometimes, but at least this is easier to manage in more situations. And it gets her a surprising amount of attention from boys and girls alike.

Six months. Things have been peaceful, or peaceful-ish, for that long. The internship, though often changing in small ways, continues. School, work, life goes on. 

And no word from Jessica Drew.

This night isn’t about her, though. It’s about the exact opposite of her friend--girlfriend? Carol has to move forward whether Jess is alive or not, and six months was hard at first. As the months creep on with nothing, though, Carol’s passion and stout belief in her friend’s ability to beat her sickness and come back to her is flickering. 

The first weeks were hardest, of course. Nearly killed her, if she hadn’t had other friends, other concerns, to occupy her time. To drag her out of sadness by force of will.

And yet it all came crashing back on her the first week of December. Jess’s birthday came and went, and Carol was certain, if she were going to hear something, it would be by then.

But it passed and with it, a little piece of Carol’s hope fell away. She is afraid now that every day another little piece of herself will shatter and fall, until there’s nothing left of Carol Danvers.

Tony Stark waves a hand in front of her face. “Earth to Danvers.”

She blinks rapidly, turning from the storefront windows. “Danvers to Jerk.”

He puts on a mock pained expression. “You wound me.”

“I really will if you keep at it.”

The ice cream shop is still full. Not of customers, but of her friends, and some others.

Tony goes to sit back down next to Rhodey and Maria, who are cuddled up together as they often are. Carol has been shipped out to Hanscom Air Force Base for traditional Junior ROTC now that she’s sixteen and a junior in high school, and she often sees Rhodey and Maria on base in the same general areas. Otherwise she might not get to hang with Maria at all, now that Maria has graduated and is working.

Hank finishes hanging the last piece of tinsel from the ceiling and joins John Proudstar and Angelica Jones at a different table. Carol isn’t sure about John and Angelica, considering the last time she really interacted with them was a fiery brawl in the street, but they seem pleasant enough outside of their criminal activity, and Hank continues to spend time with them because of the whole mutant thing.

Kelly is busy trying to flirt with Tony, who--to be totally fair--is flirting right back. Carol’s work friend, who she almost didn’t invite just because she knows nothing about any of the secrets Carol keeps. Mutants, secret agents, aliens. Kelly’s just a friendly face who likes having an alternative, grunge friend, and yet Carol felt compelled to invite her. It would have been awkward to see her at work and then be all “hey, you can go home now, we’re going to have a party without you”. So she got invited.

And then there’s Emma Frost behind the counter, wiping it down in her smart white business suit. If ever there were a cold war between two people, Emma and Carol are it. It has been a tense six months, with Emma popping in occasionally to check on the ice cream shop and make sure nothing is wrong, and Carol intensely working to not punch her in the throat every time she walks in the door. Call her crazy, but when a mutant with loose ethics and the ability to control minds tries to manipulate you, that’s a hard fence to mend.

All the attendees chat and drink hot chocolate, and Carol chooses this opportunity to approach Emma, before the party begins. Emma smiles as Carol approaches. The smile is acid to Carol, but maybe that’s just perception. 

Emma says, “Quite a rabble you’ve assembled, Ms. Danvers.”

“I note we have a couple extra.”

“Oh, John and Angel were just in the neighborhood and Hank thought it would be nice to include them.”

Just in the neighborhood doing what? “We’ve got two hours, right?”

Emma nods. “Of course, dear. Despite our personal falling out, I still take care of my employees, and letting you host a Christmas party sounded too delightful to pass up.”

Ha ha. Carol grimaces. She goes into the back room and freshens up just a bit, puts on her jacket and feels more herself again.

When she comes back into the dining area, the chatter lowers and dies. She stands before them, wondering if they expect a speech, and then notes that they absolutely do as they watch her expectantly. She picks up a styrofoam cup and fills it with hot chocolate, then holds it up to the group. Everyone lifts their own drinks, and she smiles.

“I’d like to thank you all for coming,” she starts. “I know it’s probably weird to hear that I was throwing a party, and I don’t have to tell you that I have no idea what I’m doing.” Some of the group chuckles, and Carol goes on. “You all know, at least somewhat, that it’s been a hard year. Jessica has been such a huge part of my life, that to just suddenly be without her--it was terrible. To continue that is worse.” She has been on the point of tears for months thinking about Jessica, but she maintains her composure right now.

“But tonight’s not about all that. Tonight, we’re just celebrating friends. I have small gifts for all--most--of you. Sorry, John and Angelica.”

John waves a hand dismissively and Angelica grins. “No worries, bruiser,” she says. “Just getting out and about is nice.”

Bruiser. That almost makes Carol split into a smile. Good to know Angelica doesn’t hold a grudge for getting a knockout uppercut. Or if she does, she hides it well.

“Anyways, we’ll do gifts and then eat pizza, and then Tony has something ridiculous planned, I’m sure.”

He pats something under a sheet nearby his chair and nods. “Don’t worry, everyone, you’re all going to hate it!”

And Carol catches a glance at Emma again while the party chuckles at Tony’s maybe-probably joke? Carol has no idea with him sometimes. 

“And I’d also like to thank Emma Frost. She was gracious enough to let us use her place of business to hold an after-hours party, and to donate the treats and drinks.” That last part isn’t true. Carol paid for all of it after begrudgingly asking for permission, but insinuating that she donated it might embolden someone else to ask for a donation of goods and actually get it. Carol grins when Emma’s eyebrow ticks slightly upward. She understands what Carol just did, even if no one else does.

Carol finishes, “Merry Christmas and happy holidays, everyone. I’m not trying to be all sappy or anything, but I do appreciate all of you. Most of you, anyway.” She glances at Tony and everyone laughs good-naturedly, though she realizes that maybe that joke doesn’t hit as well as it should since there are a couple of people she did not invite and who she does not appreciate.

But they smile politely and everyone drinks from their hot chocolate in toast.

The gift-giving portion of the evening is chaos. 

Carol grabs a box of small parcels from the back and brings it out, while others with varying amounts of gifts for their friends within the group bring out their own gifts. 

Carol sits down with Tony, Kelly, Rhodey, and Maria, and passes out some gifts. Tony gets an air freshener multi-pack for his Mustang, and when he stares dubiously at it, she leans in and whispers, “I figure my car should smell good when I finally buy it off you.”

He grins and hands over a small package. “Merry Christmas, Danvers.” She opens the tiny box and it’s a platinum lapel pin in the shape of an F-15E Strike Eagle, with a long enough pin that she can fit it through her leather jacket, which she immediately does. 

Tony gives Rhodey a day pass to Stark Industries’ HQ with a promise to be his tour guide, and Rhodey gives Tony a joke gift, some book about how to win the affections of women, which he certainly doesn’t seem to need. 

Carol passes over her gift to Rhodey, and he lifts out a new bandana with a hint of chrome shine to it. “To replace the one you’ve been wearing at work.”

“I can’t hide if my dome is shinier than the counters, Carol,” he jokes, but ties it over his shorter hair, already breaking it in. 

Rhodey and Maria give their joint gift to Carol, an expensive pair of Aviator sunglasses, just like they wear in Top Gun. Carol puts them on and mugs for a disposable camera. She’d been thinking about buying a pair and Maria must have noticed.

“All I need now is a long woolen scarf and I could be flying bombers for Captain America,” she says. 

Maria plops a small envelope on the table in front of Carol as well. “This one’s from Mon. She was super mad she couldn’t be here for this, and my parents weren’t really excited about keeping her while she was throwing a tantrum.”

Carol slips the homemade card out of the envelope, and nearly coughs glitter everywhere before she sees the image Monica drew and decorated. Bad stick figures of Carol and Maria high fiving while holding Monica’s hands. Her halo of poofy black hair is exaggerated and nearly as big as the girl herself, and Carol thinks it’s one of the nicest things anyone’s ever given her.

“How did you get into her good graces so well?” Rhodey asks. “The little spitfire hates me.”

“She doesn’t--well, okay, she kinda does,” Maria admits. “You’ll get there. She just knows that Carol’s my pal and you’re my somethin’ else. Aunty Carol got in early, before Monica knew what a stranger was.”

“She was really mad when I lost the ‘hawk,” Carol notes.

Maria nods. “Now that was a tantrum. She wouldn’t even acknowledge you until you gave her ice cream.”

“Perks of slinging frozen treats for a living.”

Carol sighs and hands over Maria’s gift now. “Well, here. Nothing special.” Maria gets a coupon book, homemade, with babysitting coupons on them, and Maria glows to see them.

“This is more valuable than gold, Danvers. So long as you keep refusing to date anyone, I can take advantage of a proper date night now and again.” Carol says nothing at this. She hasn’t told anyone about what happened with Jessica, not even Maria, who has quickly become her best friend in Jess’s absence.

Rhodey holds up his hot chocolate again in a second toast. “Here, here. Nice of you to get me a second gift, Carol.”

Carol snorts and punches his arm playfully, then turns to Kelly, who has been lightly insinuating that a good present for her would be a date with Tony. She didn’t know what to get this bubbly girl who never seemed to understand how she and Carol shouldn’t be friends based on all the laws of high school society, and instead just steadfastly bonded with her over work. She took a chance and bought a necklace that she was told matched the earrings Kelly was always wearing, and the girl was so excited she hugged Carol, which Carol let happen if only to avoid more awkwardness. Despite Kelly being objectively cute, Carol feels no physical attraction for the girl. 

In fact, she really hasn’t felt any romantic or physical attraction since Jess flew out of her life. That line of thinking scares her and she shoves it away. Kelly, having Tony help her with the necklace, hands Carol a small plastic-wrapped package. Not even gift-wrapped.

She says breathlessly, “It was all so last minute, Carol, I didn’t have time to wrap it. There’s one for each of us.”

Oh God. If they are friendship bracelets, she will puke. But she unwraps it and instead of cutesy friendship braids, they are gunmetal gray and black leather steel bangles. One for each of them, as promised. Carol is shocked that she doesn’t instantly hate it. In fact, she kind of digs it. She smiles as she slips her hand through it, snug but not so much she has to force it, and Kelly slips hers on, too.

“This is pretty badass,” Carol admits, holding up her wrist so Kelly can compare them.

“Wow, your wrist is wider than mine.” Carol has shot up several inches in the last six months, and her body has been playing catchup ever since. Being told her wrist is wider than another girl’s is perhaps not the compliment she would like, but it’s also not the worst she’s heard since summer ended. Being nearly six foot in high school has done her no favors. 

Well, maybe one or two. Even the bullies have left her alone now that Johnny Storm transferred to New York City. She half hopes never to see the jerk again, but if it meant she could see Susan Storm and ask if she knows anything about Jess, she might make the trade.

Who is she kidding? She’d definitely make the trade.

With her new sunglasses, lapel pin, and bangle, she stands up from the table, thanks everyone again, and heads over with her box to the mutant table now. She has no gift for John Proudstar and Angelica Jones, but she thought long and hard about what to get her friend Hank McCoy. Their friendship has been strained ever since he decided to work for Emma Frost, despite knowing what she did to Carol, but they have a bond of sorts and Carol is holding onto every one with the tenacity of a crocodile’s jaws on prey.

“Merry Christmas, Hank,” she says, handing over his present. He smiles and opens it to find a speed chess timer, and his smile widens into a big goofy grin. 

“You must be desperate to win against me, if you’re trying to impose limitations.”

“I’m just trying to play a game in less time than it takes to watch _Shogun_.”

“You’re exaggerating, but I take your point. Next time we play, Carol, we will limit time for each play.”

“And hey, if I happen to win because you don’t get to read a book about Chess strategy between each move, all to the good.”

“Thank you, Carol. I have something for you, as well.” Hank hands over a small wrapped package that turns out to be _Theory of Games and Economic Behavior_ , a book about game theory that she remembers Hank mentioning once upon a time.

“That is the secret of my continuing success against you in Chess,” Hank remarks, and when Carol opens the front of the book, she sees his name written in pen on the blank first page, and feels a twinge of sadness that, even though he works a good gig at the ice cream shop, he doesn’t spend money if he doesn’t have to, even for a Christmas gift.

Angelica Jones snorts. “It’s not fair that I got knocked out by such a big nerd.”

“You know what they say about nerds, Angel?” Carol asks.

“Their lunch money is my lunch money?”

Carol grimaces. “Nerds are gonna rule the world.”

“Pft. They aren’t assertive enough for that.”

“We might surprise you.”

Angelica grins. “You definitely won’t. I already know your moves and I’ve learned a thing or two since then.”

So have I, Carol thinks. There’s a comforting familiarity to the banter, and Carol’s heart aches when she realizes it’s the kind of banter she enjoyed with Jess. She turns back to Hank.

“Anyways, Merry Christmas, again. I’m pretty sure Tony brought a thing he’s been threatening for months, so you know, warm up those vocal cords.”

A look of sheer panic crosses Hank’s face and Carol grins as she walks away to rejoin Tony, who is in fact setting up a karaoke machine that he had hidden under the sheet.

“I freakin’ knew it,” she says. He has been talking about karaoke ever since they didn’t get to do it on Jess’s last day.

He smiles sheepishly. “Gotta keep people on their toes. And these things are surprisingly affordable when you buy it instead of renting.”

Ugh. “This thing is going to travel with you everywhere, isn’t it?”

“I’m already thinking about installing it in the Boss.” Not her Mustang Boss. 

“Don’t you dare.”

“Hey, I can do whatever I want with it until you make me an offer.”

She groans. The stupid thing is worth far too much, but she’s got a savings account specifically set aside for this, and she wants that car.

Tony finishes setting up the karaoke machine and then reveals that the only thing he’s brought are Christmas songs, and receives a rousing chorus of booing before he grins and says, “I told you everyone was going to hate it!”

He kicks it off with _Jingle Bells_ , and then he and Rhodey sing _It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas_ . Then Maria pulls Carol up and forces her to sing a duet of _Jingle Bell Rock_ , but by the time the song starts everyone is singing out the corny lyrics in a chorus. To rise above the audience, Carol and Maria begin shouting the song, until they’re laughing so hard they’re crying and can’t keep singing.

It feels good to laugh at their own absurdity. Maria pulls Carol back to the chair while Angelica and Hank go up and sing _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_.

Maria says, “I know one thing. No one is ever going to ask us to sing on a stage.”

“I might get away with some punk. Siouxsee and the Banshees.”

“Ooh, now there’s an idea.” Maria grins. “We should go do karaoke for real sometime.”

Carol groans, but nods. “So long as Rhodey sings some Johnny Cash or something.”

“Nah, this’ll be a girls’ night.”

It still feels weird making plans that she might have once made with Jessica. 

A face appears in the glass window of the door, peering in and then waving at Carol, and Carol almost falls out of her chair.

It’s Mrs. Drew, Jess’s mom. Carol hasn’t seen her since before Jess left. She was staying with family somewhere out of state.

Carol runs to the door, fingers shaking, and unlocks it, stepping outside into the chill night air, party and friends forgotten in the moment. 

But before she can ask after Jess, Mrs. Drew asks, “Have you heard from her?”

“What? No. I thought--seeing you, I thought she might have come home?”

Mrs. Drew sighs. “No. I’m sorry, Carol. Your parents told me you would be here. I’ve been trying to find her for months.”

Months of silence. Mrs. Drew didn’t go with Jess and her dad to get these experimental and probably illegal treatments. Carol knew that it sounded like treason, and perhaps Jess’s mother couldn’t handle the stress of betraying everything she believed in for her daughter. 

“Have you heard from her at all? Your husband?” Carol asks.

She shakes her head. “I was afraid to try at first. Then the number Jonathan gave me for emergencies never connected anywhere.”

Carol is silently furious that she did not receive a number. But all of the emotions, all of the pain and worry, come flooding back. The night was not supposed to be about Jessica, but now she is the only thing on Carol’s mind.

“Why are you back?” Carol asks.

Mrs. Drew hesitates. “I have business to attend to. There continues to be money in the bank for paying the bills, but someone has to take care of the house, pay the mortgage, keep the lights on.”

“So you’re not back because you heard anything.”

“No, dear, I’m sorry.” Carol deflates. There is no greater punch to the gut than a momentary hope yanked away.

They’re both crying, Carol realizes. She does the only thing she can think to do in this situation, and throws her arms around Jess’s mother. They hug for several seconds and Carol lets her go, wiping her own tears.

Carol says, “It’s a bad sign, isn’t it? Six months without any word whatsoever.”

“Maybe.” Mrs. Drew sniffles and wipes a tissue withdrawn from her purse across her nose. “I don’t know how much Jess told you, but they were going somewhere off-grid.”

“She told me a lot. We don’t keep things from each other.” 

Mrs. Drew’s eyes narrow at Carol as if disbelieving her, but she nods. “You’re really like sisters, you know that?”

Carol’s face flushes pink with embarrassment and she shakes her head. She doesn’t want to start telling people about how her relationship with Jess has changed with Jess’s mom. 

So she commits to the simpler, “I love her, Mrs. Drew.”

“I know you do. And I know it’s hard. If you hear from her before I do, let me know?”

“Of course. Same?”

“Of course, dear.” She hugs Carol briefly again, and Carol watches the woman walk away, shoulders hunched against the cold and sadness at the absence of her daughter.

Carol has a hard time getting back into the spirit of the party, and calls it a little early, which everyone understands upon hearing that there’s no news of Jessica.

Hank and John Proudstar stay behind to clean up and close down the shop, and Emma calls Carol into the back after the rest of them have gone for the night.

Carol isn’t in the mood to deal with Emma’s shit, but she sits down in the tiny office that Emma uses when she drops by. Emma hands Carol a small envelope, the size of her usual paychecks.

“What’s this?”

Emma’s lips turn up into a grin. “Christmas bonus.”

“Are you trying to buy my friendship?”

“I have provided all my employees with a year-end bonus, Carol. That our working relationship is strained does not change that.”

Carol pockets the check without opening it to see how much she got, and stands. “Thank you. Am I free to go?”

“Are you still holding a grudge after all this time?” Emma asks, sitting back and crossing one leg over the other in a casual display.

“I’m sorry, were you unclear on that?”

“Apparently so. I haven’t messed with you or any of your friends and family in six months. You aren’t worth the hassle.”

“You think that makes it okay? You’re still doing it to other people, aren’t you?”

Emma shrugs. “Of course, dear. One does not neglect their talents.”

“Your talent might as well be assault. You think it doesn’t compare to physical damage, what you did?”

“There are no marks, no scars. It cannot be compared.”

Carol scoffs. “Really? So when I wake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, worried I’m going to hurt someone or steal something because you planted that manipulation in my mind, that’s not the same? When I shudder every time I have to look into your eyes, and know you violated me, that’s not the same? When I have to second guess every action I take around my internship, never sure I’m truly free of your influence, that’s not the same?”

Emma frowns a little, but shakes her head. “They are unfortunate, but not the same, Ms. Danvers.” She stands now and holds her hand to open the small office door. “Where you see evil, I see necessity.”

“Where you see necessity, I see better ways,” Carol shoots back.

This conversation in some form or another has transpired every so often, and this is just the latest iteration of it. Nothing is ever gained. Emma continues to manipulate people for her goals, whatever they are. Hank continues to be complicit. Carol argues and fights back, but doesn’t want her friend getting arrested or mixed up in it when it goes bad. She doesn’t know how to extract her friend without ruining that friendship.

She hates it, but doesn’t know what to do about it.

Carol goes home, mood soured and not even her Christmas presents cheer her up. Tony has a date tonight; Rhodey and Maria are probably cuddling up on the couch. Kelly no doubt is calling her other friends to catch up and gossip about the motley crew she has befriended. Hank and the other mutants are probably planning something. She hopes beyond hope that Hank hasn’t been so fully manipulated that he isn’t in control, but he assures her that he’s fine.

Everyone is fine. Everyone is living their lives, working hard and playing harder. Carol wants to do that, too, and she does when she can. But without Jessica, nothing feels permanent. Nothing feels quite real.

Without her Jess Drawed, Carol is half a person, and she doesn’t like this half sometimes.

She is morose and moody when she arrives home, until she spots the package on her bed, with international stamps so convoluted and numerous that she could never hope to trace the origin of the package.

But her flesh prickles and her heart aches. She sits on the bed, opens the box, and draws out two tiny figurines. Care Bears. Friend Bear and Love-A-Lot Bear. They’re cheap, obvious knockoffs. The limbs are chipped and droopy. The paint is splotchy and faded. 

But the intent is clear.

Jess isn’t dead. She is thinking of Carol. There’s no note accompanying this package, no return address. Only the individual Care Bears that Carol and Jess were once obsessed with. Carol was Love-A-Lot and Jess was Friend, back in the early days of their friendship. 

Wherever Jess is, she can’t communicate in any proper sense, but she did what she could. She sent a message.

Carol hugs the figurines close. Her second-best wish has come true. 

Jessica Drew is alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Carol and crew (including Jessica Drew, I swear!) will return in Part Three, Passion & Potential, of my longfic, in about two weeks, or around January 6th or 7th. I will maintain the schedule of a new chapter every other week, and I hope to see you all in the new year!


End file.
